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I Fell Tower

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Matthias Dandois is the biggest thing to come out of France since the Royale With Cheese. Matt, 29 – whose name is possibly pronounced ‘Dandy-arse’ – is a French bloke who’s an absolute wiz on a pushie. BMX is his favourite, and apparently ‘flatland’ BMX is his forte (see what we did there? Using a French-sounding word? We’re very multicultural).

Danders was crowned the world’s best BMX flatlander at the age of 19, but crosses over between flatland and street riding, and all his fans dissolve into little pools of simpering giggle juice every time he does something artistic and wild. Paddling around in an empty pool in front of the Eiffel Tower is terribly avant giardia, for example.

It hasn’t all gone the way of the Parisian pedalling prodigy though. He broke his foot once, and apparently it was a lifechanging experience.

“From now on I weel leesten to my body,” he squealed in his Gallic accent. “I learned ’ow to eat ’ealthily, and how to theenk about something uzzer zan bike riding. I’m actually so sankful for zat accident, seriously. I learned so many theengs,”

Geez. What a shame he didn’t break both his legs, eh? He’d be a fricken genius now.

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