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Collins Class Submarine

by editor

We don’t actually know if the current fleet of Aussie subs will be put up for sale, but the Gummint has decided not to buy the Baguette-class subs from the French. Instead we’ve chummed up with the Yanks and Poms and will buy from them instead. Or maybe build new subs here. Or perhaps just stick poly pipes up from some of the shipwrecks near the coast so other navies think they’re periscopes, poop themselves and stay away.

But something will have to be done with the old subs, which, apparently, pack all the defence power of a sewage spill at Bondi. It stands to reason they’ll be sold.

We figure you should get in early before a politician grants a submarine export licence to someone in their family who’ll buy them for $1.50 through a shelf company in the Caribbean, and after offering a few generous gifts to ministers whose departments have the final say in the sale, will sell them to an economically challenged country at a stupendous profit.

We don’t know what they’re worth, but get on to a politician with links to the Middle East and let them know you’re interested.

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